Based on a set of rules set forth in 1595, George Washington's book, "Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation", has been widely heralded as a best practices guide for how one should behave, while in the company of others. It's my belief, that had there been urinals during his time, that General Washington surely would have added a few notes regarding restroom, as well as, urinal specific etiquette. Growing up, I always believed these rules were simply inherent and a matter of common sense. However, since society today requires warnings against eating toilet paper or grabbing the wrong end of a chainsaw, it seems logical that urinal etiquette should be mentioned. Below are the most important items to tend to, whilst tending to your business.
1. Greet with a deep manly grunt, but talk not with thy neighbor, whilst vacating thyself in the waste facility.
2. Whilst in America, entrance, exit, and movement within the waste facility, shall liken that of wagon traffic in town. Remain to thy right hence not to stumble into thy neighbor, who's closing the stall doors, while exiting the waste facility.
3. Notwithstanding the presence of stall dividers, it is poor form to utilize an appliance, which is directly adjacent to an occupied appliance, whilst there are other vacant drains available. Floor drains and sinks shall only be used as waste appliances in cases of dire exigent circumstances.
4. The gathering of men in the waste facility is unavoidable and incidental. However, it shall not be likened to that of a committee, association, or club, nor shall this gathering be considered a social mixer for waste facility users. Bantering about with your neighbor, who's actually a stranger, as though the two of you were soon to be old friends, is a breach of these basic rules of civility.
5. The most egregious infraction hold true regardless of the presence or absence of appliance dividers. Turn not they head to gaze upon or make eye contact with thy neighbor, who's actually a stranger. With the exception of fire or flood, hold thy thoughts until exiting the waste facility.
Exclusion: These waste facility rules of civility are nullified and have no bearing on basic expectations, whilst in Athens, Georgia attending a college pigskin contest.
