Happy OCD!

Yesterday, while celebrating my 52nd Orbit Completion Date, a few things occurred to me. Primarily, that I had nothing to do with my birth. My dad helped set the process in motion, but it was through my mother's straining, and the doctor's expert use of forceps, that I began my first orbit, completely helpless. All I knew was how to cry, eat, sleep, and fill up diapers. All of these are good things, which I still do to this day.  During my 52 orbits, I've learned a few valuable lessons. Admittedly, a good many of these were told to me or they're self-evident, but I had to experience them the hard way. I haven't lived through the lessons of a man, who's completed 100 orbits, but I have very good reasons to stick around that long. So, I took some inventory, as I embark on orbit 53, I find the following lessons to be note worthy. Maybe you relate to a few.


* Never chase your puppy into the road.
* Be very selective when using absolutes, like never and always.
* For reasons unknown, some people don't like you. That's okay.
* It is possible to cut wet grass.
* Treat everyone with dignity and respect.
* You imagine and plan for the future, you read or recall the past, but right now you're creating the past, as well as your trajectory into the future.
* If one's application of grace is race-based, then they're racist.
* The "hook up" culture will never know the beauty of a meaningful slow dance.
* Some will advance through life with ease, but there's no true progress without effort.
* The things people say to you also includes the things they don't say or ask about.
* The one thing I truly hate is a festering misunderstanding.
* Facebook needs this post option "That's stupid and you're stupid."
* It's ok to kiss with your eyes open.
* Give people room to be human.
* In the same way we give children a push, when they're learning to ride a bike, we must give them a good push towards adulthood, by reading to them, when they're young.
* Don't tell your dad to get some rest and see a doctor, when he says he's sick and tired.
* Never jump out of a 2nd story window to avoid being "it".
* Sweat is a very dear friend.
* Always expect nothing.
* Time grinds to a halt on your worst days, when life hits hardest, but soon the sun rises with a warm smile and the birds sing a song that's just for you.
* Arrogance is a symptom of deeper issues.
* Our awe of creation is but a taste of our ultimate awe of The King.
* When in doubt, sleep on it. If you're still in doubt then sleep on it a few more times.
* There are billions of people, who dream of having my problems.
* Say what you mean.
*  Hold the door for others, but hold your tongue for yourself.
* There's no better daily calibration than coffee, silence, and prayer in the morning.

Universal Laws of Urinal Etiquette

Based on a set of rules set forth in 1595, George Washington's book, "Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation", has been widely heralded as a best practices guide for how one should behave, while in the company of others. It's my belief, that had there been urinals during his time, that General Washington surely would have added a few notes regarding restroom, as well as, urinal specific etiquette. Growing up, I always believed these rules were simply inherent and a matter of common sense. However, since society today requires warnings against eating toilet paper or grabbing the wrong end of a chainsaw, it seems logical that urinal etiquette should be mentioned. Below are the most important items to tend to, whilst tending to your business.


1. Greet with a deep manly grunt, but talk not with thy neighbor, whilst vacating thyself in the waste facility. 

2. Whilst in America, entrance, exit, and movement within the waste facility, shall liken that of wagon traffic in town. Remain to thy right hence not to stumble into thy neighbor, who's closing the stall doors, while exiting the waste facility. 

3. Notwithstanding the presence of stall dividers, it is poor form to utilize an appliance, which is directly adjacent to an occupied appliance, whilst there are other vacant drains available. Floor drains and sinks shall only be used as waste appliances in cases of dire exigent circumstances.

4.  The gathering of men in the waste facility is unavoidable and incidental. However, it shall not be likened to that of a committee, association, or club, nor shall this gathering be considered a social mixer for waste facility users. Bantering about with your neighbor, who's actually a stranger, as though the two of you were soon to be old friends, is a breach of these basic rules of civility.

5. The most egregious infraction hold true regardless of the presence or absence of appliance dividers. Turn not they head to gaze upon or make eye contact with thy neighbor, who's actually a stranger. With the exception of fire or flood, hold thy thoughts until exiting the waste facility.


Exclusion: These waste facility rules of civility are nullified and have no bearing on basic expectations, whilst in Athens, Georgia attending a college pigskin contest.